"With massive shopping malls, seven-star hotels, exquisite dining, sun, beach and desert we're the world's ultimate destination!"
Dubai does indeed firmly believe it does everything bigger and better than anywhere else, and if you're down with the sheer ostentatiousness of it all, you're going to love it. And, surprisingly, it does retain many traditional customs and values.
With so many races, cultures and religions - a staggering 80 per cent of the population are ex-pats - there's a colossal buzz.
Your chances of having any form of interaction with an Emirati on a daily basis are slim, and those that are kicking about are probably too wealthy to socialise in your circles!
Today? Hot. Yesterday? Hot. Next week? Hot. Welcome to 361 days of heat, and a handful of days of monumental rainfall that bring the entire country to a total standstill.
Shawarmas (mini kebabs), mezzeh and Lebanese-influenced dishes are delicious and available everywhere.
Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the ruler of Dubai, is the celebrity. And anyone whose car license plate reads between 1 and 100 is a serious player.
At any one time up to 25 per cent of the world's cranes are in Dubai.
"The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angels because it's "offensive to the religion of Islam." Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot." - American comedian Jon Stewart
See what the city was like before every building was a hotel or a designer sunglasses store. Also features skeletons.
There is an open air pay and display car park right on the same road as the museum that charges AED 2 per hour.
It's not cheap but this waterpark offers a blissful way to escape the searing heat and its daredevil rides remain the most fun way to get a wedgie.
There is a free on-site car park for your hire car.
Sure, whatever it takes to produce snow in a desert is likely to have a yeti-sized carbon footprint, but it's snow in the desert. Snow in the desert!
There is a free four-storey car park on site.
Boasting Dubai's tallest minaret, this mighty mosque looks pretty old but is actually a 1998 reconstruction of the original period building, which was knocked down in the 1960s.
You can either park at the Ibn Battuta Mall shopping centre or the pay and display car park by the Dubai Museum.
You go to Dubai, you go shopping. This themed mall is divided into areas each representing a country explored by 14th-century traveller Ibn Battuta, so it's sort of a bit like a museum too. Yes there's a Starbucks there but it's under a pretty dome
There are over 5,000 car parking spaces located in each mall court and it is free to use.
For a bijoux cosmopolitan experience head to Dubai's less chaotic cousin. Home to the UAE government and nine per cent of the world's oil reserves.
Abu Dhabi is approximately 100 miles south of Dubai. Just follow the southern coastal route towards Safa Park, running parallel with Jumeirah Beach. It should take around an hour and 40 minutes.
Visit Ain al Madhab Gardens' mineral spa for treatments more relaxing than a bucketful of Senecot. And there's an old fort.
Follow the signs for Sharjah and Dhaid, and travel towards Masafi and Fujairah. The drive should take around an hour and 20 minutes.
With 99 hectares of golden sands, this park will remind you exactly why you travelled 11 hours to holiday here and why it was such a great move.
Only five miles from Dubai, take the Al Rasheed Road towards Al Mamzar. The park lies on the gulf shores, north of Al Hamriya Port.
Like a kid's club but for women, designed to fulfil modest ladies' appetite for 170m long swimming pools, mini zoos and computer training courses.
Follow the southern coastal route which heads out of Dubai towards Safa park, running parallel with Jumeirah Beach. It's a 60-mile drive.
See what the city was like before every building was a hotel or a designer sunglasses store. Also features skeletons.
There is an open air pay and display car park right on the same road as the museum that charges AED 2 per hour.
It's not cheap but this waterpark offers a blissful way to escape the searing heat and its daredevil rides remain the most fun way to get a wedgie.
There is a free on-site car park for your hire car.
Sure, whatever it takes to produce snow in a desert is likely to have a yeti-sized carbon footprint, but it's snow in the desert. Snow in the desert!
There is a free four-storey car park on site.
Boasting Dubai's tallest minaret, this mighty mosque looks pretty old but is actually a 1998 reconstruction of the original period building, which was knocked down in the 1960s.
You can either park at the Ibn Battuta Mall shopping centre or the pay and display car park by the Dubai Museum.
You go to Dubai, you go shopping. This themed mall is divided into areas each representing a country explored by 14th-century traveller Ibn Battuta, so it's sort of a bit like a museum too. Yes there's a Starbucks there but it's under a pretty dome
There are over 5,000 car parking spaces located in each mall court and it is free to use.